princess thoughts

Just last week I was prawning with Gn. 3 hours $30 there goes my pay for half a day. But anyway, had fun although my new clutch had stains from the baits' blood or something like that now I can't get it off. Fuck.

Anyway, after catching about 17 prawns we headed to BBQ them. I always dreaded going prawning because of this part - piercing them alive. Oh fuckkkkk. I fucking HATE doing that. That's another topic. I'll talk about that another time.

SOOOO anyway, we were soon peeling the prawns and started talking about random things. I forgot what were we chatting about but I suddenly asked Gn one question that kinda bugged me.

I asked him this: Gn, do you think I'm pampered?

Why Gn? He is one of the few friends I have that I know wouldn't judge me, wouldn't secretly have thoughts in his head about what he thinks of me. So I always ask him stupid things. Anyway...

Sometimes I am afraid that I might be pampered without realising because since young I didn't really find myself lacking of anything much...to be honest. Sometimes, I feel bad seeing my cousin or other friends scrimp and save just to have more money, not for themselves but for their own family. And me... I basically just have to ask my mum to get it for me, which is mostly reasonable stuff lah, not say I want a house or (okay I kinda want a car but still reasonable right??? ok this is pampered -.-) the moon or the stars. It's just that I never had to fret about money matters and all I have to do is to study and get good grades, which apparently I have failed to do so for the past few years... but that's another matter. My parents have provided me and my sister well since young. I remembered I was wayyyyyyyy more jialat last time when I was younger.

That was during primary school period ALL THE WAY till secondary school. I head to my grandma's place every single day after school as both my parents will be working and I had to go there (with my sister) to have my lunch and dinner, then wait for my parents to knock off from work and fetch us home. To add on, I thought living in a condo at that time was a big fuck for my age. So when my primary school friends give me their autograph book to write during that period, I will haolian and write my address big big and then put like:

Eg. 123 Seletar Springs #12-123 (CONDO)

Wtf. Bracket CONDO sia. I still remember I did that in someone's autograph book. Jin haolian.

Okay lah not say I go around tell people I live condo blah blah blah. But ya in my mind I was thinking I big fuck already. Hahahaha. Urgh. Wanna slap myself now.

Okay somemore, (don't hate me after you know all these okay whoever you are)
everyday I go back to ahma house I will see my ahma ahgong and eldest uncle.

So, normally since young as kids, we are taught to greet our elderly right. 长辈嘛
But I swear, no one taught me I must greet them every single time I see my elderly, or even stressed the importance of greeting elderly.
Then the very hao lian me will fugging be damn guai lan.

So I have this mentality that I only need to greet my ahma ahgong and ahpek (eldest uncle in hokkien for my case) during occasions like Chinese New Year or family gatherings. For those everyday go back and see them no need to greet. So I made it a habit. Only greet them when my cousins all come ahma house for gathering then call my ahma ahgong they all.

So one normal day after school, I headed to ahma house. My aunt was there helping out with the cooking. So I reached doorstep and went into ahma house without greeting ANYONE then just do my own stuff.

My aunt said: Ann AH. 你不用叫阿嬷啊？ (Ann, you no need greet ahma ah?)
Me: Aiyah 每天都看到他们哪里要叫？？？ (AIYA everyday see them need to call meh?)

Mind you, I was like Primary 5/6 leh, so big already still don't greet sia. This kind of kid really need to teach, if not too late GG already. I can't remember I had this mentality till what age. But it was all the way till secondary school.

I am not blaming my parents or whoever, but honestly, Mummy never scolded me for being like this, or does she even know? She is always working in the day, too busy to see how I behaved in my ahma house at that period. I thought I wasn't wrong at all because no one told me anything. My aunt didn't scold me, probably because I'm not her daughter? My sister naturally learnt from me. Whenever I greet, she greet. I don't greet, she don't greet.

So when did I realise I was wrong?
I don't know. But it was more to do with my Aunt. Yes she didn't scold me, but throughout the years she reminded me from time to time to greet my elderly, even if I see them everyday. Then I don't know what struck me, one fine day I just started greeting them when I go to my ahma house. It was really weird doing it the first few times but it slowly became a habit. And of course, it also influenced my sister to greet them everyday. My aunt isn't as 'highly educated' as my mum, but she taught me things that my mum never did. I actually regard my aunt as... half a mum? No parent is perfect and I don't really blame my mum for this, if she didn't work so hard I guess I wouldn't be blogging here.

I wasn't a polite kid in the past. I didn't know how to say Thank you. I didn't know how to appreciate things. I think I started saying Thank you when people said that to me. I didn't know to receive things with two hands until my aunt told me it's impolite to receive things with only one hand. Things like that... never heard it from mum too. It's good to have an aunt like this, who teaches you things that can't be bought with money. She's awesome.

It's good to know that I have done wrong in the past but managed to become a better granddaughter to my grandparents, especially after ahgong have left us. At least, I didn't still have that stupid attitude in the past till now. If not I will be regretting that I didn't have the chance to respect him.

Now I feel damn bad if I don't greet people in other people house... or at least don't ignore people when you obviously see them lah. If not I will think it's very rude. I mean, if my friends came over, I will expect them to greet the elderly in the house if possible... not say go all the way until inside the room to call them also. But you know lah, obviously if you step in door you see people you greet right?

Mummy may have worked too much in the office to appreciate the little things from people. I always felt that she is a bit too wary of strangers, that's why she never talked much to anyone whom she isn't close with. When I go shopping with her, she doesn't say 'thank you' to the cashier who serves her, I also noticed that when she pays by credit card she will just swiftly put the card on the table and wait for the cashier to take it. And it took me more than a few times to finally tell her that she should start thanking them, and if possible, try to pass the cashier the card directly.

I told her how I felt when people just throw the card on the table and let me take it when making payments, as I am also working as a cashier. Of course if you busy, got no hand to pass, then put on the table okay lah. Maybe I am too mindful or too sensitive I don't know. But it never hurts to TRY to be a little bit more polite, right?

Gradually she did start trying. She was surprised that it actually mattered. Well of course it did! If someone were to say "thank you" after I processed his/her payment I would be glad to be of service. Was really happy to see her saying thank you to a cashier the last time we went shopping. Can't really blame her for it though.. Maybe she keeps meeting fucked up people in the office.. :X

I know it's freaky to have so many thoughts behind a simple question : Am I pampered?

But seriously! I do think of things like these.
Anyway, Gn's reply made me really happy.

He said this: "Ann, if you're pampered, you wouldn't be peeling the prawns together with me. I will be the one peeling the prawns for us."

Then I looked at our oily hands and started laughing and...







the prawns were nice. YUMMMMMZ!!!