I am currently sitting in the Lego shop with nothing to do. So I decided to feed my empty blog. I had the whole time to customize the blog template and all. Basically, I am really bored. While adding in links to my sidebar, I thought that I can at least link a couple of blogs that I usually visit. And in the end, I can't link any. The blogs that I used to always visit are now either put to rot, or are made private. And I don't blame them too. I guess it happens. Somehow as we grow, we tend to bottle things up more, show less, and not let people know what we are really feeling. I used to bare my heart out online. But as I grow and learn that people do ACTUALLY judge you without knowing everything, I get scared of being honest. We all do.
It's not a bad thing to be hiding honest thoughts at times. Neither does it mean that someone is wrong for being honest. Some time ago I got criticized for being too blunt, or some say insensitive. Maybe it's me. But I don't think that saying out what you really think/feel at that point of time is wrong. Yes, that thinking may be wrong. But the action of conveying your thoughts into words is purely being honest. Is it wrong? Just recently, I saw a friend of mine getting criticized again because he bared his thoughts out on Twitter. And apparently people weren't happy with his thoughts and chided him. He surprisingly didn't give in despite the uproar, and that was really admirable.
Few years back, someone told me to go with the flow. If the river flows in a certain direction, you don't oppose it. You go with it. I took it and subsequently, I learnt to keep things to myself and just follow the crowd. But I wonder... What if that direction isn't where you want to go? If everyone goes with the flow, why live? Where people tend to say that we are all uniquely different, why are some so afraid to hold back themselves and just go with the flow? Those words, are what shaped up the current Singapore. And it's stupid. Really stupid.
I can actually portray myself in a few years' time, and what I will be doing. Not really exact but the type of industry, the kind of work, and the kind of people I'll be interacting with. I have no anticipation. I have no interest. I have no motivation. I am scared that in time to come, I will be exhausted from all these routine work and lose all the drive in me someday, and just do what is being told without questioning authority. Why am I trying to study so hard for something which doesn't attract me OTHER THAN monetary benefits? The reason why I am still trying to get a degree isn't because I want the money, it's because I know money is important, as much as I would like to deny. And that is the only reason why I am still burying my head under the books... At times I do actually respect people who do ARTS/Music because typically in Singapore, people will condemn that having these qualifications will not make you rich. This may be stereotypical, but I find people who do Arts/Music are usually people who are happier with their lives. :)
I believe everyone wants to break their repetitive routine everyday.. But sometimes we just spend a few minutes thinking about it, then give up and deem impossible simply because, this is the direction that the river is flowing... and we are told not to go against the current. We have a life but we are not living it. Isn't that a sad thing?
I get you, I do also have a blog, it isn’t private but no one knows about it. Over there, I put little secrets of my life that I do not want to tell anybody, I guess it can serve as memory lane, some way that you can speak to yourself in different stages of your life, after all its your blog and you should be able to say anything you want.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of being honest, I had also faced the same problems with you growing up, I used to be a very curious and straight forward person. But there comes times when we go out and meet society and being honest and open isn’t necessary the best option in the situation, you will soon know when you find your real work.
Frankly, I had the same thoughts and still thinking about it, is education really overhyped??? since young, parents always ask us to study hard, grow up get a degree and earn lots of money, but the fact largely remains that things that usually brings us money might not be the things that we really like. For example, I am in a course of study, even working in some industry that I didn’t even like, and worse of all, the pay is not at all fantastic and competition is high with FTs.
Just also for your information, there seems to be quite a lot of drop outs making big money in their passion, Jobs, Gates and Mark… even Einstein I heard is also sch dropout.
You are still young, and since you are already in the middle of your study le, just complete it.. meanwhile just think about what you really want to do until you graduate.. at least your parents should feel really proud of you ( I used to think I study for them to make them happy anyway)
Everybody dies, but not everybody lives(I kinda like it)… so do something extraordinary, make your life worth living.. there was a phase of my life I did crazy things too.. you should too! Life is not how long you live, but the event that you went through.. Gambatte!
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I've always appreciated heartfelt, sincere thoughts. :) I believe most students like us do question ourselves whether studying is meaningful to us at some point of time, but we know we are obliged to do it anyway. Not that I'm thinking to dropout lah.. Just some questions and doubts. Oh well..
DeleteBeing straight forward is a virtue I believe, but I guess we have to be careful of being straight forward to WHO. To the society, it's a big no-no. After some comments I thought it might be good to keep my mouth shut, at the right time, at the right place. But don't change your straight forward character totally! I still strongly believe it's a good thing.
Cheers to you! :) And thank you again!